#JusJoJan Daily Prompt – Jan 2nd – Time

 

This post takes part in Linda’s Just Jot It Jan

jjj-2017

The word ‘time’ conjures up so many thoughts and emotions for me. Most significantly with the phrase “one day at a time”, which is a mantra I live by, given to me by my twelve step recovery program. Time is also a bitter sweet experience for me, I have wasted so much of it in my life, hiding from the world and from myself and I always wished it away. Now, with a sudden and dramatic shift in perspective since beginning recovery 6 years ago, there is suddenly not enough time.  Time has changed from being a slow lumbering painful enemy to a precious fleeting dancing fairy. I dance with it daily, living on the edge of sadness for the time lost, but turning my focus away from that so as not to waste any more of it exquisiteness.

As a transman going through transition, which takes an extraordinary amount of time, dancing with the time fairy in this way has been a challenge. Transition is a time of painful waiting, for appointments, for psychiatric approvals, for hormones, for surgery, for recovery, for my body to change and for my inner and outer social worlds to adapt. This means I have to work very hard to balance my view and my use of time, it’s too valuable to want to rush through having already wasted so much, but at the same time I am just so eager for the physical transition part of my life to be over so that I can simply get on with my life as the man I have always known myself to be.

I now mark in time the next ten days, when, on the 13th of January, I will have the final stage of my surgery and I will no longer be a slave to time but instead a dancing partner.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “#JusJoJan Daily Prompt – Jan 2nd – Time

  1. Time is such a tricky thing, isn’t it? Our perspective skews it from one emotion to the next. I wish you much luck with your upcoming surgery. In the meantime, do your best to live in the moment. I hope you’ll let us come along for the ride. 🙂
    P.S. Your ping ponged perfectly. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Thats a relief because my hand eye coordination has never been on top form!!!

      Time is indeed tricky and perspective dependent, of course it doesn’t really exist but try telling that to the child waiting for Christmas morning or the dying man clinging on to the last moments! Time is both a burden and a freedom.

      Please do come along for the ride, I love a passenger or two, in fact Im debating investing in a small bus….

      Thanks for these prompts, I think it will really brighten my January and get my fingers tapping!

      Like

  2. I love your flow and use of language and words here. They immediately conjure up movement in to a world of lightness and breeziness. You will arrive at this place because you are well on your way there. I can see you continuing to dance your already creative dance with Life and inviting ‘Time’ to be a more permanent partner within that dance that you dance so well.

    And on a side note, I do like the phrase ‘Dancing with the Time Fairy’ too.

    Like

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