This year has without doubt been one of my most challenging, marked with incredible highs and lows and so much profound change.
The beginning of the year started with a devastating backwards step in the surgical part of mygender transition journey,causing my dysphoria to sky rocket and my mental health to plummet.
I did not expect to surface from all that until my surgical issues had been fixed but to my great surprise l met someone who was to heal me of both present and past dysphoria and catapult me forwards into a journey of exciting sexual awakening and sexual exploring.
Now, approaching the end of the year l am facing the prospect of losing my mum. Whether that’s losing her to the numerous complex medical issues the hospital just can’t manage to solve, or losing her to the emerging vascular dementia which is causing so much confusion and disorientation. Either way, my mum is rapidly disappearing.
On top if this I received a date for surgery to finally sort out the issues that began at the beginning at the year. It was such poor timing and l wasn’t sure l could manage it mentally or physically with all that’s going on with mum. However, l am glad l decided to go ahead as the surgery was apparently a very simple and successful fix.
If l was to pin down the one thing that has enabled me to get through this incredibly rocky year it would be gratitude. My ability to be grateful is the most effective tool in my mental health tool kit and l consider my ability to be grateful in any situation to be the greatest gift l own.
Gratitude is such a magical gift, akin to alchemy it can turn the most awful situation into one of hope, promise and possibility. By simply switching ones view away from what’s lacking or missing towards even the smallest thing you can find to be grateful for, you can turn sadness into joy.
Once you start noticing those small things to be grateful for, it sets off a snowball effect and before you know it sadness and difficulty is made much more bearable By the warm blanket of gratitude you find yourself enveloped by.
Gratitude is an action induced feeling, you cant sit around and wait to feel grateful you have to put the work in and actively decide you want to be grateful and look for things to be grateful for. Once you start this practice you will strengthen your gratitude muscle and find it starts to become automatic.
Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself. Sit and write a list of ten things you are grateful for and notice how your whole sense of self shifts into feeling lighter and your face softens into a smile.
I am so grateful for the ability to practice gratitude. Such a magical gift indeed.