This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge
Self-care is reminding yourself that love is not dependant on meeting others expectations
During my recovery from addiction and mental illness, I have learned that a large part of my anxiety is caused by guilt. I have historically struggled with a high need to please others, and when I perceive I have let others down, I can quickly spiral into guilt and high anxiety.
Overcoming this has mostly been in realizing my own worth and in knowing that those who genuinely love me, do so not on the condition of me meeting their expectations.
This does still surface for me on occasion, as it has this week. I have two people I love who each have the same birthday, my Mum and my boyfriend. Mum has dementia, and so I had come to terms with knowing that actually missing her birthday would be OK. I would see her afterward and instead travel with my boyfriend to his hometown to spend his birthday with his family and friends.
However, I have had a bit of an emotional crash this week, my new boyfriend and I are going through early relationship teething issues, I have surgery next week, and I just did not feel that going away was the right time, I thought I needed a few days to be with myself and rest.
It was a tough decision to miss his birthday, it shows a tremendous amount of self-growth on my part to risk the disapproval of someone I love. Even more important has been my boyfriend’s reaction to this. He went out of his way to drive over to hug me and tell me it was OK before he headed off and we’ve had numerous video chats over the last 24 hours which have been full of love and understanding.
This has been a beautiful confirmation of how, when we love and respect ourselves and know ourselves of worthy of love, we attract people that treat us as such. Someone that genuinely loves you unconditionally will never hold that love hostage to meeting their expectations.