Managing Conflict – Day 92 Of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is reminding ourselves that disagreements between people are healthy and normal

self care instaMy most recent self-care posts have mainly been within the theme of having the courage to voice our needs, despite the fear of upsetting others. I think this is coming up for me a lot at the moment, due to my being in a new relationship.

I have become much better practiced at asserting my needs over recent years. However, relationships are highly emotionally charged, especially for those of us in recovery. In these situations, especially new relationship beginnings, it’s not uncommon for old ‘defects of character’ to attempt to rear their ugly head.

Although I do not fall apart in the way I once did when these things come up, they are still very painful. Because my feelings are so strong for this new man in my life, there is, of course, the fear of losing him. This is why, when I practice what I’ve learned over my years in recovery and voice my needs and feelings honestly, I find my old thought patterns lurking in the sidelines. Fear tells me that the disagreement will mean the end of us, that now I’ve said how I feel things are ruined etc.

It is taking a lot of effort to not join in the dialogue with this inner voice, but whenever I refuse to engage it, it gets quieter. Sitting with the painful feelings is a healing process in itself, especially when I see the proof after having a disagreement, that not only are myself and my partner still OK but also that we are stronger for a mini disagreement.

 

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2 thoughts on “Managing Conflict – Day 92 Of #365daysofselfcare

  1. The benefits (or blessing) of conflict is that the situation can bring up new information that highlights or brings to the surface, details that we hadn’t seen before, maybe about ourselves or maybe about the other person, or both. I agree with you, in that we are all human and nobody is perfect, and so it is true that conflict will happen from time to time. But more importantly it is what we do after the conflict has happened. The answers lay more so in how we put forth our conflict resolution skills. We are forever growing and changing beings and so new information about ourselves and another is always going to come up. How we utilise the vehicle of conflict to suit us in the best possible way is how we can move forward and grow as people and also continue to grow health and development in our relationships. It really does help when you have a partner who has similar understanding, philosophies and approach to resolving conflict and deepening the understanding of each other and what makes us tick. So glad you guys worked it out and are stronger for it. Blessings to you both xx

    P.S. a book which I found really helpful in exploring other kinds of thought patterns and approaches to nurturing healthy bonds with ourselves and others is ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s quite good in it’s delivery of clarity.

    Liked by 1 person

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