This blog entry takes part in Linda’s Just Jot It Jan
Todays prompt is highly appropriate for me as I am currently sat in hospital, wearing my rather fetching open backed gown, accessorised with compression stockings and super sexy paper pants. Today, as long as all goes well, will be the final stage in my gender affirmation surgery journey.
I find myself to be very emotionally reflective , which isn’t surprising really as today marks the possible completion of a journey that at one time I thought I could not find the courage to face. It seems unbelievable that almost five years has passed since I came out publically as transgender and began living as the man I knew myself to be.
Perspective is a funny thing, time moved so painfully slow in early days of my transition, the wait for assessments and access to treatment was a hugely long and tedious haul. At times I felt I couldn’t breathe, the focus it took to remain patient and mentally well was exhausting and overwhelming. However, once given the go ahead for hormones and then surgery, time began spilling through my fingers like grains of sand and I now look back on my second puberty and my growth into manhood with nostalgia.
The same skewed perspective exists for me in attending hospitals. For most people, the hospital is a place of fear and dread, but for me the very opposite is true. Whilst I am of course nervous about the procedure itself and not looking forward to yet another recovery of which this will be my fourth, the outcome for me is one I am very excited for.
With every hospital admittance, another aspect of my true self is revealed and a new sense of freedom is born. For me, hospitals are a time portal into a new, brighter and more comfortable world. Its just a little painful walking through the door.