Spare a thought for transgender people on National Coming Out Day

I find myself torn between pride and concern on National Coming Out Day. On the one hand, I love that our society has evolved to the point that we now celebrate people coming out, on the other hand I wish it just wasn’t a big deal.  I look forward to the day where it doesn’t matter what our sexual orientation is and we won’t need to define ourselves into narrow, static boxes of gay, straight, bi, pan etc. We simply fall in love with someone and their gender is not an issue. I can dream.

The other reason I find national coming out day troublesome, is because of the part of the LGBTQ community that so often gets forgotten when talking about these things. Our beautiful trans community. For the majority of trans folk, our coming out is far from celebrated in society. When we come out we face being cut off from our families, sacked or discriminated against in the work place, harassed on the streets and all too often being the victim of violence and murder.

Those that are newly discovering themselves to be transgender, have no choice but to come out. In early days, before cross sex hormones change a trans persons appearance, we suffer the humiliating dysphoria inducing event of being incorrectly gendered many times a day. The only way to counteract this is to ask people to use the correct pronouns for us. Of course, as soon as a trans person who is not yet being read correctly does this, they automatically out themselves as being trans and place themselves at risk.

There is the additional issue that once fully transitioned (in whatever way that means to each particular trans person), we can often, as in my case although I choose not to, blend in to society and not have to disclose our trans history. Those that do this, then in turn feel pressured on National Coming Out Day to make themselves visible and feel as though they are letting the community down if they don’t or can’t do so. The fact that not disclosing is described as “going stealth” highlights how much shame is involved in not disclosing a trans identity.

I am a very proud man with a trans history who on most days is more than happy to shout it from the roof tops and face the inevitable backlash that still so often happens. However, there are so many trans people that have no control over their being outed or feel unsafe to do so. These people are no less proud, they just do not have the same freedoms and choices as the rest of the LGBT community does in being visible LGBT people. Therefore I ask you please, to spare a thought for trans folk on National Coming Out Day

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“Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes”

c3bac0c0998fdd737acaaa254a9a6aadAs always after a documentary on TV regarding trans people, even when done sensitively as in the case of Horizon’s “being transgender” last night, I always spend the next day reading numerous misinformed and bigoted comments across my social media. I could stay quiet, I could just blend into the background, but I wont. I am blessed to live in a country where, although far from perfect, I have access to medical treatment, allowing me to transition which has without doubt saved my life.

I would not have access to this had it not been for brave trans folk who came before me and fought, in even worse circumstances than we have now, for our treatment and safety. I feel drawn to pay this forward, which is why I share as honestly and openly as I do. The payoff, in the amount of love and support I have received and in the messages from people I have helped or who feel better informed from my sharing, make this all so very worthwhile.

So to all the haters and bigots out there, throw at me what you will, leave your hateful comments on my videos after all, your doing so helps in our fight for equality and understanding as you help to highlight just how much opposition we face on a daily basis, in simply trying to live our lives comfortable in our own skin as is the right of any human being.

In the words of Frank Turner, “I won’t sit down, and I wont shut up”

 

 

 

 

Who am I? – Identity development in gender transition

As both a student psychologist and a man with a trans history, the topic of identity and how it develops over time fascinates me.  I have found that my identity never properly developed a stable base, in hindsight I expect this is why I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and I now believe it was down to the fact that I was never female and this caused the personality, identity and mental health issues I faced.

In transition I have experienced a loss and a grieving for my old identity, not because it was one I like but because it was all that I knew and without it I was in limbo whilst I waited for my new identity as a man to form and become stable.

During transition we are in a constant state of flux, as hormones and surgery change the body we have to get used to our new embodied selves and as our gender roles and societal expectations change we have to get used to the new way we interact with others. This constant flux means that the stable identity base is hard to build.

Now, nearing the end of my surgical journey and hormones having done their most significant work, I find I am at last able to put down stable roots to my identity, allowing me more security and stability from which to explore other aspects of myself.

In this vlog I discuss this process and the ways in which I am continuing to actively discover and develop my new identity.

 

What can I do to “pass” as male?

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I am often asked by Trans guys new on the journey, for tips on how to “pass”. I find this a difficult subject. I don’t like to be seen to tell people what to do, I think finding your own identity is very personal and there can be a lot of unfair pressure to be and act a certain way. However, in saying that I do understand how desperate we are in the beginning to be seen as the men we truly are so here are my thoughts on the subject.

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My response to Channel 4’s “Girls to Men” Documentary

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Whenever there is a Documentary about Transgender people on TV I find myself torn between excitement and dread. We desperately need more visibility, more understanding, more acceptance and the media is a powerful tool in assisting to either make that happen, or, by portraying us in sensationalised ways with incorrect terminology, do so much damage.

Continue reading “My response to Channel 4’s “Girls to Men” Documentary”

Our Story In Take A Break Magazine

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We kept this article a bit quiet after the last article in the Mirror caused some divide of opinion. We did this at the same time as we did the Mirror article earlier in the year but for some reason the article was delayed so it has only just come out. Last time I was quick to proudly share it, this time I was hesitant, but then a friend of mine shared it and it made me realise that there is no need to be ashamed.

Continue reading “Our Story In Take A Break Magazine”

Reactions To Having Our Story Published

I think some people think that Drew and I are quite mad to have agreed to have our story published in The Sunday Mirror. To leave ourselves open to the negative comments that unfortunately and predictably accompany an LGBT story in the press, seems like utter foolishness on our part.  I wanted to write something, to clarify our reasons and intentions for agreeing to let them publish our story.

Continue reading “Reactions To Having Our Story Published”