Self-care is reminding yourself that everyone in your social circle, was once a new person to you
Self-care means knowing when to stop reflecting and start acting
This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge
Self-care is reminding ourselves that disagreements between people are healthy and normal
My most recent self-care posts have mainly been within the theme of having the courage to voice our needs, despite the fear of upsetting others. I think this is coming up for me a lot at the moment, due to my being in a new relationship.
I have become much better practiced at asserting my needs over recent years. However, relationships are highly emotionally charged, especially for those of us in recovery. In these situations, especially new relationship beginnings, it’s not uncommon for old ‘defects of character’ to attempt to rear their ugly head.
Although I do not fall apart in the way I once did when these things come up, they are still very painful. Because my feelings are so strong for this new man in my life, there is, of course, the fear of losing him. This is why, when I practice what I’ve learned over my years in recovery and voice my needs and feelings honestly, I find my old thought patterns lurking in the sidelines. Fear tells me that the disagreement will mean the end of us, that now I’ve said how I feel things are ruined etc.
It is taking a lot of effort to not join in the dialogue with this inner voice, but whenever I refuse to engage it, it gets quieter. Sitting with the painful feelings is a healing process in itself, especially when I see the proof after having a disagreement, that not only are myself and my partner still OK but also that we are stronger for a mini disagreement.
This blog is part of the #354daysofselfcare challenge
Self-care is learning to let our inner-self speak in its own time, rather than forcing answers
Since arriving home from Truck festival, I’ve had a bit of an emotional crash. This isn’t unusual, Festival comedown is a common phenomenon! Its so lovely to be out of the daily grind, lying in the sun, listening to music, laughing with friends. Who in their right mind wants to return to reality!
It’s more than that though. This week away, while being one of the best festival experiences I’ve had for a while, has also been very emotional and I can feel the tectonic plates of my inner self, rumbling and shifting.
Before I went away, my new partner and I found ourselves rubbing each other up the wrong way. It’s likely new relationship teething problems, but then, whilst I was away, there was an obvious emotional distance in our messages. It brought me back to reality with a bit of a painful bump and I started to wonder if we were not going to last the distance after all.
On returning home, my partner and I have sat and talked, and both of us want this to continue, but we do need to do things differently. Namely, having more time apart.
I’ve spent this week feeling quite lost and confused. I feel like something is happening under the surface at the moment, which started by revisiting Truck festival (see my last post) but I am not quite sure what it is.
I think I have a lot of things accumulating at the same moment. Realising my sexual attraction to men is not just a fantasy, 10000000000% enjoying sex for the first time in my entire life, giving up part of my independence to enter into a committed relationship and preparing for what will hopefully be my final lower surgery in my gender transition.
I am really feeling the difference between my actual age and my developmental age at the moment, and I have a feeling that this is something I need to somehow work through. There is likely a bit of grieving and acceptance to do alongside these new beautiful changes. I’ve found this has happened a few times in my transition. To be honest, I think everyone goes through this as life changes, but for us trans folks, it’s often more complicated and pronounced.
I’ve learned that not knowing what is going on is OK, if I just sit with it, it will all make sense and when it does it will be another one of those incredible leaps forward in self-growth and self-awareness.
This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge
Self-care is learning to enjoy quality time with yourself
I have had a lovely day today, mooching about, buying random flamingo sunglasses and various blow-up toys ( get your mind out of the gutter its festival stuff), buying myself lunch and then having a pampering bath evening.
I absolutely love my own company, which is something l once could never have imagined myself saying! I actually miss it now when l go too long without me time.
Being in a new and exciting relationship, it can be all too easy to neglect to spend time with yourself. I’m guilty of this lately and l need to get a better balance because l actually miss myself!
This Blog os part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge
Self-care is knowing that we do not need to compromise ourselves in order to be loved
A wonderful thing happens when we love ourselves.
We stop needing other people to make us happy, to make up for missing aspects of or our lives, or to give us their approval.
This means that we can then enter into new relationships, not from a place of need but from a genuine connection.
It also means we are more able to retain our integrity and stay true to who we are, only giving ourselves to those who accept us for exactly who we are.