The phalloplasty journey is very much an epic adventure! Like every great adventure, it has taught many lessons and brought much personal growth. I have changed in many profound ways during my phalloplasty journey, and not just outwardly In the following blog post, I share the top 5 things I have learned about myself, and about my body, since having my phalloplasty surgery.
1) During My Phalloplasty Journey I’ve Learned To Be Patient With My Body
Going through phalloplasty surgery really is an exercise in patience! You need not just patience with the healing process of every surgery, but also patience with the outcome at each stage, and patience with waiting times between stages.
For example, in my first stage of surgery, I worried a lot. Every time a wound looked a bit red, or my penis bent a strange way, I would find myself very anxious. As my journey progressed, I got much better at trusting that often wounds look worse before they look better. Also, that even when wounds do get infected, or parts look a bit strange, these usually sort themselves out with time. Our bodies are amazing and highly resilient!
By the time I had my final stages of surgery, I had learned the valuable lesson of patience. That bodies take time to heal and that results at each stage take time to settle. I learned to take deep breaths and know that my body needed months rather than weeks before I could make a judgment on what the outcome was like for each stage.
2) I’ve Learned That Practicing Acceptance Is A Powerful Coping Skill
I found that one of the most difficult aspects of phalloplasty was having no guarantee of the outcome I would have. How a finished phalloplasty penis looks and feels, varies from person to person. Coming to accept this fact, and managing my expectations, was a major part of my own preparation for phalloplasty.
Additionally, at each stage of surgery, there is a lot to accept as being outside of our control. You cannot know how long your healing will take or if you will have complications. I am someone who often struggles with having a lack of control. I like concrete plans, to know where I am going and what is happening. Therefore, going through the long rollercoaster journey of phalloplasty was a challenge!
Traveling my phalloplasty journey, through the complications, the additional surgeries, and in the finished outcome, I have been very grateful to have been able to apply the skill of acceptance.
As someone in recovery from addiction, I feel lucky to have learned this skill ahead of time. Not only has it helped me to coped in difficult times, but it has also helped me to accept and be at peace with my overall surgery result.
If you would like to get an idea of how a completed phalloplasty looks, I have a video available in my Ko-fi shop.
How To Grow Your Acceptance Muscle
3) I’ve Learned To Ask For Help in My Phalloplasty Journey
Asking for help is another aspect I struggle with in life! I do not like to put people out. I like to be independent and manage things myself. Over the years with my mental health challenges, I have gradually learned that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Going through phalloplasty accelerated my learning to ask for help because I had to!
Trying to do this surgery alone, especially the first stage of phalloplasty is an impossible task. You have only one arm in use. Walking is slow and painful. Getting up and down off chairs and beds is a logistical nightmare. Having help makes things so much easier and will also help your overall outcome. Taking care of yourself properly requires assistance.
4) I’ve Learned That Sensation Arrives In Unexpected Ways And Means Far More Than Simply ‘Feeling’
It was hard to imagine how my new penis would feel and losing sensation was my biggest concern with lower surgery. There were 2 major aspects to worry about, that my new penis wouldn’t have feeling in it, and that I might lose the ability to orgasm.
What I didn’t consider, was that sensation wouldn’t ‘come back’ as it had never been there in the first place. What I mean by this, is that my penis is brand new, and so the feeling isn’t coming back but instead arriving for the first time. Therefore, the way it eventually did arrive was nothing like I had expected or imagined. It has been gradual, patchy, and displaced, but sensation nonetheless.
I also hadn’t considered that it wouldn’t be just my new penis that would bring new sensation. The freedom of a body with gradually lowering dysphoria would also provide more access to pleasure and new sensations. I now have a kaleidoscope of ‘sensation’. Direct tactile sensation and erotic sensation have gradually arrived, increased, and progressed over time.
Most profoundly, I have an overwhelming euphoria sensation, the joy of living in a body that can be touched without experiencing the stinging whip of dysphoria.
Experiencing Sensation in New and Different Ways
5) I’ve Learned That Pleasure And Intimacy Require Inner As Well As Outer Work
I always say that going through gender transition is not a magical cure for all life’s ills. The same is true for phalloplasty surgery. Of course, having a body that matches our gender image of ourselves, helps greatly to lower our dysphoria and improve our mental wellbeing. However, this is not a passive journey, we also have to do the necessary work on ourselves and our life situation, in order to give us the best outcome.
For example, if we already have a history of a poor or unhealthy relationship with our body, or with sex and intimacy. Or if we are in a relationship where intimacy is problematic or lacking, these problems are not going to magically go away after phalloplasty. Rather, we should see that having phalloplasty allows us to feel more comfortable in our bodies, which in turn will help us be able to do the work we need.
Anyone who follows my YouTube channel will likely have witnessed my sexual healing journey, where I took some incredibly scary steps to heal my past and relearn my body. I also talk more intimately about this in my upcoming memoir ‘Top to Bottom’.
My Sexuality Adventures!
I have learned that taking scary steps, is vital in order to build a healthy relationship with a newly configured body. This groundwork then helps us to be able to enjoy intimacy with others, experience pleasure, and be more confident in expressing our needs and desires.
Links To Additional Lower Surgery Resources
Helpful Phalloplasty Resources
I have written a book detailing the entire process of phalloplasty from decision-making to completion. More info here.
A list of additional phalloplasty videos and blogs can be found in my content index If you would like to ask any questions or request some blogs or videos you would like to see, please send me a message.
I have additional video resources, showing a completed phalloplasty result on my Ko-fi page.
For any trans people exploring surgery options, or going through surgery, I offer email support and mentoring on a pay-what-you-can-afford basis. I am always happy to help.
Hello! My name is Finn and I have a passion for creating honest content, that inspires personal growth and promotes well-being.
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