It’s been a long time since I have written anything for my blog. It’s all a bit of a mess over here and in need of a refresh! I really would like to be writing here again. To do that, I need first to write an update, to bring you up to speed on where I’m at in terms of my chronic illness. Where I am at is an interesting place. I’ve reached a level of acceptance with my health, where although there is still a sense of loss, there is also a much greater sense of peace. Although it seems like strange terminology to use, I feel like I am finally mastering how to be sick!
I am proud to finally be able to share the news, that I am involved with the ground-breaking series Naked Education, created by Betty TV and commissioned by Channel 4, The series aims to overcome stereotypes of body types and body image, celebrate body diversity and experiences, and generate body positivity along the way. I will be talking about being transgender, going through gender transition, discussing phalloplasty, and showing my naked body.
If you are a regular follower of my content, you will know how much I love Glastonbury festival. It’s more than a music festival to me. I’ve written many blogs about this special place and the deep meaning it holds for me. I’ve also vlogged many of my years spent there. My last Glastonbury, in June 2019, was particularly special as it was not long after losing my mum. I found myself doing a lot of my grieving and healing in those magical fields.
I am known for my incredibly open and honest sharing, on all sorts of stigma-related topics. I have many identities, which messages from society tell me I should be ashamed about. I’m transgender, I’m gay, I have mental health challenges, and I am an alcoholic and addict in recovery. My way of overcoming shame has been to share my story proudly. Why then, have I been struggling with shame and embarrassment about using a mobility scooter, and not talking about it?
After almost four years of struggling with debilitating fatigue and distressing physical symptoms, it has been a relief to have a GP thoroughly investigate my health. It should also be a relief to have all his investigations come back negative. However, it doesn’t feel like a relief. This is because the only option left that explains my fatigue and physical symptoms is a diagnosis of ME/CFS.
I am very much behind with my content, especially here on my blog. I have been updating about my progress with my chronic fatigue (or Fred, as I affectionately call it!) over on my YouTube channel. Today though, I thought I might do a summary blog post of all that has happened since I last updated.
A couple of years ago, whilst living in Dawlish in Devon, I decided I wanted to walk the South West Coast Path. My plan was to do it in sections, over the course of a year. Unfortunately, life had other plans for me. My mum became ill, and I had to leave Devon to support her.
I have learned to live with many challenging health issues over the last decade. Through my addiction recovery, my gender transition, and managing complex mental health challenges, I have become an expert at self-care. I have a rock-solid wellness plan. I have a well-practiced flexible routine that allows me to keep my self-care at the center, and still live a successful life around it. However, when it comes to the crippling chronic fatigue I am currently experiencing, I am stumped as to what to do for the best.
Today’s blog is an old-school personal update/ramble. I am not doing well at all at the moment. Wait, scrap that, let us be more accurate. I am doing fine. Life is good, I am loving living back in Devon. Our new flat is wonderful. I love my fiancé Chris with all my heart, he is my best friend, and we have so much laughter together. I have incredible friends. My self-employment journey is progressing well, and I’m beginning to earn more money. I’m working with more clients and giving more public talks. My newly published book is doing well. My life is full and rich with lots of exciting opportunities. I am doing very well indeed.
What isn’t doing well to be more precise, is my mental health. And this is the thing about mental illness. Life can be perfect in every way, but still, our mental health can take a turn for the worse.
Why does it always feel awkward to blow our own trumpets? I have been recently nominated, for the LGBT+ Positive Role Model award in the National Diversity Awards. This is an incredible honor and achievement; I am extremely proud. However, I have been finding it hard to post publicly about it. Every time I do, I feel embarrassed. Why is this? Why am I embarrassed about sharing my accomplishment and pride?
One minute it was months away, and now my memoir, Top to Bottom, is published and in the world for folks to read! I am still in a state of very happy shock! In this blog, I will give you all the details you need, about book events, where you can get signed books, and how you can access virtual signing events too. Exciting!
You can find out more about my Memoir, ‘Top to Bottom’ here.
Personal accounts are invaluable for trans people working through lower surgery decisions. I have put together a metoidioplasty and phalloplasty book list, to help with this. When I started to explore transgender lower surgery options, the shortage of information was a huge obstacle. I could find medical accounts of phalloplasty and metoidioplasty, but there were very few subjective experiences of either of them.
The following list contains the books I have found so far which provide personal accounts of phalloplasty and metoidioplasty. Some of these books focus solely on lower surgery, others mention lower surgery as part of a broader memoir. However, all of them are useful. They all give a much-needed honest and personal account of these incredible life-changing surgical options.