Be Your Fabulous Self – Day 104-106 of #365daysofselfcare 

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is being true to who you are despite the judgments of others

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The most radical act of self-care is to give yourself permission to be yourself.

The last few days I’ve been reflecting on just how wonderfully free it feels to be me, even though a large part of society is not particularly happy with who l am.

It’s a strange paradox. Before l came out as trans, l couldn’t handle the judgments of others, l was an anxious people pleaser, and this was one of the hurdles to coming out. I was so scared of being rejected by everyone.

As I have progressed through my transition and become more comfortable in my skin, I have begun to care less and less about what other people think of me.

Surprisingly, this isn’t because my transition has made me blend more into society. It could have done, and I was most certainly expecting it to be one of the benefits. However, what has happened as I have become more comfortable, is that I have developed into a chap with a very flamboyant personality who enjoys wearing pink, wearing earrings, and generally being and doing many things that society says men shouldn’t be or do. I’ve also now come out as gay, which adds an extra layer of difference into the diversity sandwich.

This freedom to be me now permeates every aspect of my life, and it continues to be one of the most powerful daily self-care tools in my wellness toolkit.

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Nothing Is Permenent- Day 99 of #365daysofselfcare 

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is remembering that no obstacle is permanent

PicsArt_08-06-09.01.30.pngThis week is a big one for me (no pun intended!) as I have a second attempt of my final stage of lower surgery.

The most significant act of self-care I can give myself right now is to forget everything that went wrong before and start with a new perspective.  Also,  that whatever happens, obstacles pass, things change, and all will be well eventually!

Love Is A Doing Word – Day 97 and 98 of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is choosing to give our hearts to people who show their love for us in action and not just in words.

IMG_20180805_131339_882.jpgLove is such a powerful emotion, it’s hard to stay mindful with such strong feelings but the stronger the emotion, the more aware you must be.
I have a history of poor relationship choices. I was in such a poor emotional and mental state that I  often left myself open to being hurt and mistreated. In recovery, I have learned to be more discerning about who I open my heart and give my love too.
Love can be such an easy word to say, but without action it is meaningless. As the saying goes, ‘Love is a doing word.’ In assessing my connections with people now, I listen less to what they say and focus more on what they do. It is in peoples actions that you find their true feelings and intentions.

Listening Patiently to Your Inner Self – Day 86 – 90 Of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #354daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is learning to let our inner-self speak in its own time, rather than forcing answers

the answers are inside you.jpgSince arriving home from Truck festival, I’ve had a bit of an emotional crash. This isn’t unusual, Festival comedown is a common phenomenon! Its so lovely to be out of the daily grind, lying in the sun, listening to music, laughing with friends. Who in their right mind wants to return to reality!

It’s more than that though. This week away, while being one of the best festival experiences I’ve had for a while, has also been very emotional and I can feel the tectonic plates of my inner self, rumbling and shifting.

Before I went away, my new partner and I found ourselves rubbing each other up the wrong way. It’s likely new relationship teething problems, but then, whilst I was away,  there was an obvious emotional distance in our messages. It brought me back to reality with a bit of a painful bump and I started to wonder if we were not going to last the distance after all.

On returning home, my partner and I have sat and talked, and both of us want this to continue, but we do need to do things differently. Namely, having more time apart.

I’ve spent this week feeling quite lost and confused. I feel like something is happening under the surface at the moment, which started by revisiting Truck festival (see my last post) but I am not quite sure what it is.

I think I have a lot of things accumulating at the same moment. Realising my sexual attraction to men is not just a fantasy, 10000000000% enjoying sex for the first time in my entire life, giving up part of my independence to enter into a committed relationship and preparing for what will hopefully be my final lower surgery in my gender transition.

I am really feeling the difference between my actual age and my developmental age at the moment, and I have a feeling that this is something I need to somehow work through. There is likely a bit of grieving and acceptance to do alongside these new beautiful changes. I’ve found this has happened a few times in my transition. To be honest, I think everyone goes through this as life changes, but for us trans folks, it’s often more complicated and pronounced.

I’ve learned that not knowing what is going on is OK, if I just sit with it, it will all make sense and when it does it will be another one of those incredible leaps forward in self-growth and self-awareness.

Overwriting Bad Memories – Day 85 of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is healing from bad memories by making new positive ones

make new memoriesI’m sad to be heading home from Truck festival today. I never like leaving but this one has been particularly special and particularly hard to leave.

It never ceases to amaze me how life presents you with just what you need at just the right time, even when you didn’t realize what you needed! I almost didn’t attend this festival, having surgery canceled meant I could attend after all and it turns out I really needed this time here. I’ve been reminded of something I learned early on in recovery from a friend in the AA fellowship. That is to rewrite your bad times by revisiting old places and making new positive memories.

I had forgotten how healing doing this is. I thought I had done all the healing I needed from my previous relationship, which ended over two years ago now. However, being here has shown me that I still had some things to let go of. Truck festival has always been special to me, I’ve attended it since its 10th year, and it was also the first festival I returned to sober and clean. To come back, to spend time with friends here, to laugh, to dance, has allowed me to reclaim this space as mine.

When we can return to a place from the past and imprint new, positive memories, it is such a powerful catalyst for healing and forward growth.

 

Learn To Cherish Your Own Company – Day 80 of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is learning to enjoy quality time with yourself

LOVE YOUR OWN COMPANYI have had a lovely day today, mooching about, buying random flamingo sunglasses and various blow-up toys ( get your mind out of the gutter its festival stuff), buying myself lunch and then having a pampering bath evening.
I absolutely love my own company, which is something l once could never have imagined myself saying! I actually miss it now when l go too long without me time.

Being in a new and exciting relationship, it can be all too easy to neglect to spend time with yourself. I’m guilty of this lately and l need to get a better balance because l actually miss myself!

The Truth Shall Set You Free – Day 76 – 79 Of #365daysofselfcare

This blog is part of the #365daysofselfcare challenge

Self-care is remembering that telling lies to other people , is the same as lying to ourselves

Picture_20180717_110647853.jpgBefore recovery, l was pretty much incapable of being honest. I lied to others and to myself about my drinking and using. I also avoided telling truths to people, for fear of u losing them.

In recovery, l learned the phrase “To thine own self be true”. Applying this to my life allowed me to be honest with myself about all my defects of character which in turn helped me to become, and stay, clean and sober.

Where l still have difficulty applying honesty, is when doing so risks upsetting others. I have to always remind myself that staying true to myself means also being honest with others. If l am not, then l am effectively lying to myself.