Change Your Life- A Guide On How To Begin

I am incredibly passionate about change and share about my own changes often. I have changed my entire life, in a relatively short space of time. From addiction to recovery, from living as female to transitioning to male, from being held back by poor mental health to learning to live my life around it. These profound changes have made me passionate about helping and inspiring others to make changes in their own lives. Often, when I talk with people about change, the common response is, ‘How did you change your life? I don’t know how to begin’. Therefore, in this blog, I want to answer that question. Whilst I would love to offer you a magic ingredient, it is not in my power! Instead, I can share the things that I have found helpful in my change journey. I hope you find them helpful too.

The Change Process – How to Change Your Life

Whatever change you are looking to make, a career change, coming out, going through gender transition, or overcoming addiction, these are all subject to the same process. First, there is an awareness that something in your life doesn’t feel right or isn’t working. Next, emerges a gradual awakening as to what you think you might want instead. Then, you must make the journey between those two places. To move from awareness of what you don’t want and arrive at the conception of what you do want. However, be warned, this is never a linear journey. Often, when we start to change our life, our goals shift as we go through an inner change in the process. It is important then, to stay self-aware during the process.

Change Starts with Acceptance

When you first start out on your journey of change, it is important, to be honest with yourself about what you want to change and why. This may seem obvious, but it really isn’t! Denial is a large reason why lots of us stay stuck in unhappy lives. We must get rid of any denial first because otherwise, the change will be very hard to make. With my alcoholism, for example, I had to admit I had a problem first before I could then truly begin to change. Once we remove denial we move into acceptance, which is the foundation from which to begin to build something new.

Take Personal Responsibility – Only You Can Change Your Life

Another aspect that can hamper our ability to change our lives, is not taking full responsibility for our lives. If we are to move forward, we need to not only accept that we have a problem, but also that it is only us who can do anything about it. Of course, other people can support us, but ultimately, the power to change is only ever in our hands.

This can be a difficult concept to embrace, especially if you are overcoming a difficult past. I struggled with this aspect myself, for many years. Having had several awful things happen to me during my early years, I was angry at the world. At that time, the idea that changing was my responsibility, made me feel even more let down. I desperately wanted someone to rescue me, to fix me, to make everything better. However, over my time in recovery, I have come to see personal responsibility not as abandonment but as empowerment. That I have full control over how I respond to life and all that happens, is a powerful thing to realise.  By taking personal responsibility, the power to change is firmly in our hands.

If You Want to Change Your Life Drop the Excuses

Taking personal responsibility also means dropping all our excuses for why we can’t change. We are all guilty of excuses big and small such as, ‘I would go to the gym, but I don’t have the time’, or ‘I’m trying to stop smoking but my partner smokes so it’s too difficult’.

There is no denying change is hard. There is also no denying that people and places can often be against us. For example, I had some huge obstacles when I began my gender transition. To overcome my gender dysphoria, I needed to change my body. I needed to transition my body from female to male, which for me meant hormones and surgery. However, with the huge waiting lists, a large part of my transition was entirely out of my control.

Whilst it was completely valid to feel frustrated with the system, it was a waste of precious time and energy to sit around moaning about it. Moaning wouldn’t change things. Although the system was out of my control, choosing how I responded to the situation was completely within my control. Besides, the long waiting lists didn’t have to completely stop me changing, I just had to focus on the changes immediately accessible to me. I focused instead on changing my inner world, developing my self-awareness and resilience, which ultimately also helped me to cope with my transition and with the long waiting times.

So, when you catch yourself thinking about change and saying the word “but”, check-in with yourself, is this really an obstacle or is it an excuse?

Stop Doing The Same Thing and Expecting Different Results

How many of us say, ‘Starting Monday, I’m on a diet/stopping smoking/starting yoga’? (My hand is in the air right now! )

Stop putting it off and just do it.

There are two sayings, that I love, which help me to break the Monday habit those are:

“If you want a different life, you have to live differently

Or

“The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Pin one of these on your wall or find your own to remind yourself that if you are going to change, you have to change how you do things.

Change Requires a Leap of Faith

Once we have accepted the need to change, removed our denial, dropped the excuses and taken personal responsibility for our life, we are finally ready to begin. However, taking the first step on a new path can be the hardest part. The reason why change is so difficult, even when we are dreadfully unhappy, is because of the fear of the unknown. As it is often said, “Better the devil you know!”

We don’t like who we are, or how our lives are, but we are at least familiar with it. Stepping into something new means stepping completely into the unknown and this can feel terrifying. I have experienced this fear of the unknown often during my changes. What if I said I was male, then decided transition wasn’t right for me? Who would I be if I didn’t drink alcohol, would I be sober and boring?

My advice when this comes up for you is to trust the process and give it time. If you have worked through all the other steps, acceptance, taking personal responsibility and so on, you will have brought the need for change into your consciousness. Once we are self-aware of an issue, it is very difficult to move back into denial. We can only stay stuck in unhappiness when we are unconscious to the need for change.

So, trust the process. sit with those uncomfortable feelings and keep them conscious. Pay attention to your inner world. Eventually, there will come a time when the fear of staying the same far outweighs the fear of change, and that is when the magic happens, and change begins!

Change Happens One Day At a Time

Once you begin your path to change, the destination can seem a long way off. Do not let this put you off or set you back. Remember that everyone starts at the beginning. Besides, change isn’t a destination, it is a process. And, as I mentioned earlier, the act of change can, in turn, shift your goals and desires.

I had a vision of myself when I entered recovery, and ideas of what my future could look like. However, I could never have known I would go through gender transition or be starting my own business. These things emerged as I put down the drink which consequently, changed how I felt and how I saw the world and my place in it.

Instead, as you set out, do keep your future goal as a motivation, but put all of your attention on this very moment. By walking your change path one day at a time, not only will you get more joy from the process, but you will also stay alert to all the other opportunities along the way.

I really hope this helps you to get started in whatever changes you are looking to make. If these tips have helped, or if you would like to share other things that have helped you, or just to chat about the wonderful scary thing which is change, Id love to chat in the comments below!

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Hello! My name is Finn and I have a passion for creating honest content, that inspires personal growth and promotes well-being.

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