If you are aiming to have phalloplasty surgery, it is a good idea to plan way ahead of time. There is an enormous amount of mental and physical upheaval involved in the phalloplasty journey. By planning ahead, you will be able to cope better with the surgery and look after yourself well in the recovery between stages. In this blog post, I share 5 helpful tips, on practical and emotional aspects, to prepare for phalloplasty.
Take The Time to Be Sure of Your Phalloplasty Decisions
Phalloplasty is a long and often frustrating journey. When you are in pain and feeling low, there will be many moments when you wonder why you put yourself through this. These feelings are a normal and understandable response to this hugely lengthy and invasive surgery.
When we take our time to work through lower surgery options, we can then feel assured that we have made the right decision. The certainty of our decisions will then help in difficult times when you might question yourself.
See the early days of me working through my decisions
Struggling to make decisions, is incredibly common and is a frequent topic I receive questions about. People often worry that if they are taking a lot of time to decide, then surgery might not be right for them. This is just not true. Phalloplasty is an intense and complex surgery. It is possible to want the outcome, but still be worried about the surgery. Therefore never be worry about how long your decision-making takes. The longer it takes, the stronger your resolve will be.
Once you arrive at a place where you are sure, I always suggest that you write down all your reasons for choosing surgery. Then, when times are tough, you can read your list and remind yourself of exactly why you are doing this.
Prepare For Phalloplasty Surgery Hospital Stay and Recovery At Home
Completing all the practical preparations well ahead of time will help to make the recovery process easier. Make sure to make a list and stock up on everything you need for the hospital stay and for recovering at home.
Being well prepared, with everything you need on hand, will make the hospital stay more comfortable. For stage one phalloplasty, with a longer hospital stay, it’s important to have things on hand to occupy and distract you. I have a bumper blog post with lots of tips and ideas of what to take to the hospital.
Returning home can feel a bit overwhelming. Having everything ready at home for when you return will help to reduce the worry. This includes making your home comfortable and accessible. It also includes things like getting meals prepared beforehand, perhaps bulk-freezing food, especially if you live alone. I have a handy blog with ideas on ways to make your home recovery-friendly and comfortable.
Talk To Those Looking After You about What to Expect in Phalloplasty Recovery
Recovering well after each surgical stage of phalloplasty requires help and support. This is especially true for stage one phalloplasty, where you will have multiple wound sites and areas to care for.
Do take time well in advance of surgery, to work out who might be able to support you in the recovery process. If you have a partner, friend, or family member willing and available to be with you, take time to talk to them about what to expect and how they might best help you.
To prepare for phalloplasty recovery, it’s also a good idea to talk with your local general practitioner and nurse team if possible. Although your surgical consultant will be available for any concerns, it will be your local GP surgery that takes care of your needs. See if you can make an appointment, to discuss what you might need so that they and you are prepared well ahead of your phalloplasty surgery. This will make getting aftercare and prescriptions much easier.
Prepare For The Dysphoria to Get Worse Before it Gets Better
Phalloplasty surgery requires multiple stages before it is complete. Therefore during the surgical process, your penis will look half-finished. The in-between stages can be tough, especially with the long waiting lists meaning you might wait a year or more between stages. Living with a half-finished penis can often increase dysphoria.
I found that my dysphoria did get worse many times through my phalloplasty journey. A lot of that was because I could no longer use some of the things that eased my dysphoria. For example, once I had my penis created, I could no longer use my stand to pee device. Having to return to sitting to pee brought up a lot of gender dysphoria.
Complications along the way can also increase dysphoria. For instance, I had issues with the urethral hook-up. I had been standing to pee without issue, but then a complication was discovered. Unfortunately, my urethral hook-up had to be undone and a hole was made underneath for me to pee through. Waiting to heal, and to get a surgery date for rehook up, my dysphoria got worse and my mental health took a dive.
It is vital to prepare for this happening and to put together a plan for how you are going to look after yourself. Perhaps a written reminder to switch your perspective, that your penis isn’t half-finished, but instead gradually being built.
How To Cope With Post-op Depression
Or perhaps create a list of trusted friends you can offload to and get support from. Developing a solid self-care plan, of things that distract and/or soothe you, will help you to manage these difficult times.
Manage Your Expectations
The best advice I can give, to help you deal with the result at each stage and to be happy with the final result, is to manage your expectations.
Managing your expectations means being realistic about what can be achieved. Don’t expect to have stage one and be dysphoria-free or overflowing with gender euphoria. Approach each stage knowing that this is not the end result and that things might look strange, but that with time things will improve. Phalloplasty surgery takes time and patience.
Most importantly, be realistic about the final outcome. The harsh reality is, that ultimately this is not a cis penis. Phalloplasty surgery is much more advanced now and gives incredible results, but it has its limitations. It is important to accept this crucial fact and to work out what a ‘good enough’ penis looks like to you. This will help you to prepare for phalloplasty in a balanced way and feel happy with the final result.
Helpful Phalloplasty Resources
I have written a book detailing the entire process of phalloplasty from decision-making to completion. More info here.
A list of additional phalloplasty videos and blogs can be found in my content index If you would like to ask any questions or request some blogs or videos you would like to see, please send me a message.
I have additional video resources, showing a completed phalloplasty result on my Ko-fi page.
For any trans people exploring surgery options, or going through surgery, I offer email support and mentoring on a pay-what-you-can-afford basis. I am always happy to help.
Hello! My name is Finn and I have a passion for creating honest content, that inspires personal growth and promotes well-being.
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