Social Anxiety Life Hacks For Coping In Public

I have lived with social anxiety at varying levels all my life. I have a diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and anxious/dependent personality disorder. This has improved over recent years. However, I still experience many times where my anxiety levels significantly impact my daily life.

One of my significant ongoing challenges, as is typical for people with social anxiety, is coping with being outside. I used to need a lot of support from other people to manage this. However, over the last few years, I have learned tools which allow me to be able to get on with my life independently. In recently revisiting these tools, I decided I would share them to help others in a similar position.

Social anxiety and preparing to go outside 

Using Virtual Support

Ask a trusted friend if they can be on standby. Having them available for a call or text should you find yourself struggling. For example, I have a friend who works from home. I know I can send him a message, for some encouragement, support or just for a bit of distraction if I find myself getting overwhelmed. Having this in place before you leave the house helps to provide reassurance and the sense of not being alone.

Using public transport when you have social anxiety

Comfort/distraction items

Public transport can be very difficult to negotiate when you have social anxiety. Finding ways to self-soothe or distract yourself when anxiety runs high can be very helpful.

Those that know me will know I travel everywhere with a small stuffed sheep called Lambycat. He has become a permanent lodger in my rucksack since I split with my partner a couple of years ago. Lambycat is now my substitute outside support. Being a very tactile person,  touch really soothes me. I can easily stick a hand in my rucksack and stroke his ear and it settles me. I don’t care what people think if it helps me to manage a journey without a panic attack then what does it matter!

The item doesn’t have to be a stuffed toy. It could be a favourite scarf or another item of clothing that makes you feel comforted. It could also be a fiddle toy such as a fidget spinner. Mobile phones now come with a huge variety of apps and games. You could equally use one of those to help to calm and distract you on your journey.

Using things such as these, help to focus the mind on something other than stressors in the external world or on racing inner thoughts.

Navigating roads when you have social anxiety

‘Secret crossing button’

Anxiety can negatively impact our ability to concentrate and make decisions. For myself, this often happens when I attempt to cross a major road.  Even using pelican crossings can be challenging. I can get overstimulated by watching cars and people and then not see the green man appear or hear the crossing beep.

A few years ago, I discovered that some crossings have a small cone under the button panel. These are designed for the visually or hearing impaired and it rotates when it’s clear to cross. It’s so much easier for me to lower my eyes so I can calm myself and not be overwhelmed by cars and people. I then just concentrate on feeling for the cone to start spinning. I make a point of knowing which crossings have them in my area and on a high anxiety day, I will use them.

Finding your way around

Google Map mobile app

Finding your way to a new place when you are anxious can be extremely overwhelming. Google Maps has been a lifesaver for me for several reasons. Using the app makes it so much less stressful to attend appointments in new places, as the map gives me step by step guidance.

At times, I can even find familiar places hard to get around if my anxiety is very high. When my anxiety escalates, I can find that a familiar place just drops out of my mind, like an inner map has been deleted. I can see where I am, and I can visualise the place I want to get to but for some reason, I cannot work out how to get there. Google map has saved me from a huge panic so many times with this. Additionally, I like the ‘time to get there’ feature.  This is really useful in knowing how much time I have to reach my destination and makes me feel reassured and calm.

Coping in crowded places

Headphones

Social anxiety can make it very hard to be around people, due to noise, crowds and the worry that someone might speak to you. I carry around headphones, but mostly for things other than listening to music.

Listing to music on public transport can be soothing. However, I find that listening to music whilst walking actually makes me more anxious and paranoid. I worry that I won’t hear someone speak to me or creep up on me. Instead, I use headphones without music to dull the outside noise and make the sounds less intense. Also, they serve as a signal for people to not talk to me when I am too anxious to make conversation.

Meditation apps

Meditation is such a powerful tool in dealing with social anxiety. Developing a daily practice helps to train you into the habit of being able to quieten your mind. This skill can then be put into practice and calm yourself down in times of high anxiety. Learning to meditate has been a huge turning point in learning to live with my social anxiety and managing to function on a daily basis. There are lots of wonderful apps to help you to learn and to use on the go. My favourite is Buddify as it has meditations of various lengths for various situations, such as coping with painful emotions and crowded places.

Safe spaces

Having somwhere safe to retreat is vital. I make a point of knowing a few places where I feel safe and comfortable such as a café, local library or local park. Even a familiar public toilet can be useful, just to have a private space to sit for a moment and calm down before venturing back outside.

Self-kindness

Importantly, if you have tried everything you can, and the anxiety is just too much, don’t beat yourself up if you need to get home. You have done amazingly well to get out of the house in the first place. Congratulate yourself and then try again another day. Dealing with mental health is difficult and exhausting. Any steps, even the ones that seem tiny, are actually giant leaps forward. Its all about progress, not perfection.

I hope these are helpful to you. I have also made a video about social anxiety to accompany this blog. If you would like at add any hacks, tips or advice that you find helpful I would love to hear them!