Today’s blog is an old-school personal update/ramble. I am not doing well at all at the moment. Wait, scrap that, let us be more accurate. I am doing fine. Life is good, I am loving living back in Devon. Our new flat is wonderful. I love my fiancé Chris with all my heart, he is my best friend, and we have so much laughter together. I have incredible friends. My self-employment journey is progressing well, and I’m beginning to earn more money. I’m working with more clients and giving more public talks. My newly published book is doing well. My life is full and rich with lots of exciting opportunities. I am doing very well indeed.
What isn’t doing well to be more precise, is my mental health. And this is the thing about mental illness. Life can be perfect in every way, but still, our mental health can take a turn for the worse.
It’s funny because we don’t feel the need to clarify or justify when we break a leg, do we? Nobody says, “but your life is so good, why is your leg broken?” Mental ill-health doesn’t automatically mean something in life is wrong. Often, it’s just the way our brains are wired up, and the way our bodies produce hormones and chemicals.
My high anxiety and low mood happen regardless of what’s going on in my life. I need to remind myself more to separate that aspect from the rest of my life. It does help to do this, as when our mood is low it’s easy to overgeneralize to everything being wrong or awful. It’s just my mental health that is awful right now, nothing else at all.
This will pass, it always does. I’ve lived with this for long enough now to trust that. It doesn’t make what is happening right now less painful, but it makes it easier to manage.
Moving back to Devon has been the right thing to do, I know that and it’s my body that is disagreeing! I have such a sensitive nervous system and the move has sent everything out of whack. My biggest complication is that as well as generalized anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder, I also have hypothyroidism. Despite my thyroid levels being in the normal range, I still get flare-ups of symptoms. The worst of these symptoms are extreme fatigue, headaches, and heart palpitations. The thyroid also affects mood, so this is of course adding to my issues and likely causing most of my feelings of being overwhelmed and low.
Currently, I am struggling to find the motivation or concentration to create videos and blogs. I must watch my frustration around this as it just makes my mood worse! I’m reminding myself that I can only do what I can do. My advice to others would be to listen to your body, keep things simple, and allow yourself time. I must take my own advice.
That’s the reason for this more personal blog post today. With it a thought that returning to this style of blogging for a while might be the answer, and be a refreshing change? The wonderful thing about self-employment is the flexibility it gives me. The dreadful thing about self-employment, is the concern that every video and blog should be ‘evergreen’ have ‘purpose’ etc. I started out blogging and vlogging without any purpose except to share what was on my mind, maybe it is OK to return to that sometimes?
So, today I am removing all ‘should’s, I’m abandoning SEO checks, hashtag searches, readability scores. I’m taking a deep breath, giving myself a break, and sharing my raw and only loosely edited thoughts.
Watch my latest Mental Health video!
Hello! My name is Finn and I have a passion for creating honest content, that inspires personal growth and promotes well-being.
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