It has been a year now since my mum passed away. It’s hard to believe it has been that long because it feels like only yesterday. I don’t feel like I have processed the loss at all. I feel in many ways still very much in limbo with my mum’s passing. The intensity of the grief has decreased, but the weight of it remains the same. Now, it is all about managing grief.
I made the decision recently, to stop taking my Sertraline antidepressant. In hindsight, I could have approached this in a much less aggressive manner, but I stand by my decision to stop. Sertraline was causing me to have emotional numbness. I was unable to cry, which I was finding incredibly frustrating.
I planned to go to the gym today. I joined last week, in the hope it may do me some good. However, I only got as far as getting up, showering and dressing. Once dressed, I felt defeated by the enormity of the rest of the steps needed to complete a gym session and could go no further. To combat the feelings of failure, I need to remind myself, especially under the current circumstances, that success is relative.
It’s been three weeks since Mum passed away. The day Mum left feels simultaneously like a lifetime away and only yesterday. Time is behaving strangely. Days of the week have no meaning. Time, space, days, they are all the same. The pain of grief is
Mum has gone. I can’t say that D-word. I don’t want to
Christmas can be a tough time of year for many people. There is so much unspoken pressure to be full of, ‘The joy of the Holiday Season’ but often that is the last thing people feel. People struggle at Christmas for many reasons, for being estranged from families, grieving lost loved ones or, as in my case, struggling to come to terms with a mum who has dementia.
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