Over the years since I began my recovery, I have been consciously invested in my self-growth. I love that feeling of shifting and changing and learning new things about myself. Sometimes, I will experience a sudden shift, seemingly out of the blue. A sudden shift is what appears to be happening to me at the moment, and I feel it is time to do some spring cleaning of my life.
I feel as if I am going through a phase of removing the trash from my life. And I mean this in both the actual and metaphorical sense of the word. It is as if I am being called to have a spring clean of my life, both inwardly and outwardly.
Have you ever read the book, ‘The Way of The Peaceful Warrior? I highly recommend it and the film of the book isn’t too bad either. Both versions bring home the point that most of us carry around trash that limits our lives.
This trash can take many forms. It can be thoughts about ourselves, stories we tell ourselves, and the general chatter of a cluttered mind. It can also be people, who perhaps are a negative influence on us. Additionally, it can be actual trash, rubbish, belongings, paperwork etc, that we are needlessly hoarding in our life.
Life Always Provides The Lesson if The Student is Willing to Show Up
I firmly believe that if we allow it, life works through us and shows us the way, if only we are willing to listen. My mum died in February this year (2019) and I then discovered that there is so much truth to the saying that you find out who your true friends are in a crisis.
Losing mum shone a light on the people that truly care about me. Some lights shone in new places and I’ve developed new deeper friendships. Some lights illuminated that some people say all the right things but are just not there when push comes to shove. I had been noticing this for a while, but I don’t think I was ready for life’s nudge to admit it.
I am ready now, I’m stronger, I deserve better and I am ready to let go of that which does not serve me. Now is the right time to do some massive spring cleaning in my life. It’s all about recognizing what serves us and walking away from the things that don’t. There is no blame, no drama, just a choice to walk away with love.
Discarding My Old Story and Rewriting a New One
As for the story I telling myself, well I have been rewriting that for some time now. My motto, in my life and my business, is ‘Recover your life and rewrite your story’. I began to throw away my old story, of myself as unlovable and worthless, back in 2010 when I got clean and sober. It was a thick book, and I’ve had to tackle chapters at a time.
Now, my fresh new story, of myself as lovable, intelligent, and incredibly worthwhile, is growing rapidly. This has been highlighted in my recent success as a TEDx speaker. That I even thought myself worthwhile enough to apply was a huge moment of growth for me. Furthermore, being accepted to speak, has rewritten a whole new chapter, that I have something valuable to say, and that people want to hear it.
Holding On To Material Possessions
In reflecting on all the ways old trash is coming to light, with old friendships and outdated thoughts, I have also realized some things about some physical trash I’ve been holding onto.
I have, over recent years, become a bit of a hoarder. I like to collect things. I have enough camping gear to open a holiday camp. I own enough CD’s and DVD’s to open a media store. As for my books, I could stock my local library. I also have a ton of sentimental collections. Hundreds of sheep (this likely requires its own blog!) because I love them, and people often send them to me. I hoard cards from people going back decades. Mementos from travels are hidden in boxes in every corner of my flat. I also have over 100 t-shirts and hoodies from music gigs and festivals. Oh, and I still also have a handful of boxes of paperwork of mums to sort through and a few boxes of photographs. It is a standing joke among my friends that nobody ever wants to help me move home because I own so much stuff! It is strange now to think that before I got sober and clean in 2010, all my belongings fitted into one rucksack.
Ownership As A Symbol Of Recovery
In finally seeing the truth of my embarrassing hoarding, I also came to a shocking realisation as to why I do it. Having all these things, to me is a symbol of my recovered life.
To explain, I was told in early recovery, that if I wanted to say clean and sober, I needed to build a life I didn’t want to lose. Since then. I have learned to live the responsible life I used to avoid. Staying settled for the first time, I unpacked, and I put the rucksack away. In building this new responsible settled adult life, I built a home. Owning ‘adult things’ for the first time in my life, bookcases, books, kitchen equipment, clothes etc were a symbol of stability. I was no longer living out of a rucksack so I could run away at the slightest problem, I was settled and responsible. Then, it seems that these things increased, from household items to just general THINGS!
I realise also that, the sentimental stuff I hold onto is also a symbol of my recovery. That I have people in my life who love me, are thankful for me, and send me things, shows how much I have changed. Back before 2010, I was a pain in the neck for most people in my life. People would rather send me packing than send me things!
Being Ready To Let Go
I honestly had not realised how bad my hoarding was getting and I certainly wasn’t doing it consciously. However, it is clear as day now. I can see, that with my recovery being the most important thing in my life, these items, have symbolically helped me to maintain that recovery. The same can be said for some of the people I was carrying with me too. I feared to lose them, even if they were not great for me, as they were also a symbol. Now, however, I am strong enough to shed this trash. Mums things too. Its time for a clean slate and time to get this spring cleaning started! I am strong. My recovery exists inside me, in the resilience and self-awareness I’ve developed, not in these ‘things’.
Its Time to Take Out the Trash
Beginning this spring cleaning of my life is going to take time. With the people, it’s simply a case of focusing my efforts elsewhere and letting go. (Well, I say simple, but it’s never easy to do this is it!). It is necessary and it’s about remembering my worth and setting boundaries as and when they come up. With the physical things, it’s going to be a longer and more complicated process. However, I am really happy to have had this realization. Perhaps it’s part of the grieving process. Perhaps it’s the time in my recovery. Whatever it is, I welcome the chance to have an emotional and physical clear out. I also look forward to the ways it will undoubtedly lift and unburden me and also deepen my self-knowledge.
Spring Cleaning With The KonMari Method
I have been watching Marie Kondo videos and learning about her KonMari method. I like the way Marie approaches tidying from a spiritual and mindful standpoint. This approach is perfect for me, considering the way that my hoarding is linked to me emotionally.
I especially like the way Marie suggests working with categories rather than areas. Working with categories means I can tackle the easiest things first and leave the more challenging ones until later. I plan to start with my huge collection of toiletries and travel bottles and work up to the most difficult sentimental category! I have just purchased Marie’s book, ‘The life-changing magic of tidying’ and am excited to get started.
Expect to see blog posts and videos as I tackle this mammoth task! Watch this (soon to be tidier) space.
Can anyone else relate to my hoarding? Have you used the Konmari method in spring cleaning your space? I would love to connect with people on a similar declutter journey, so please do leave me a comment and then we can chat and share and encourage each other!
Hello! My name is Finn and I have a passion for creating honest content, that inspires personal growth and promotes well-being.
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[…] They do say that a tidy place equals a tidy mind and there is a lot of truth in that. I can tell the state of my mental health by the mess that surrounds me. […]
I don’t feel much toward Marie Kondo but anything that helps you to declutter is a good thing.
I love that you said, “My recovery exists inside me, in the resilience and self-awareness I’ve developed, not in these ‘things’.” I totally agree. Emotions, memories, experience all don’t exist in things. They’re always in us!
It’s always an uplifting experience reading your blog, and I’m so happy for you that you saw your hoarding for what it is.
Have fun decluttering! It’s one of my favorite things to do. :p
Thank you for such a lovely comment! Yes, I hadn’t realised how much of my recovery I was investing in these material things. It’s been good to notice it and to realise that I no longer need these crutches too. I must say, I am not excited at all at the thought of starting this mamouth task, but I am excited to have less clutter!
Take it a day (or one category) at a time! I hope that you’ll find yourself free-er with lesser, because that’ll be the best motivation for tackling clutter. 🙂
Thank you so much! I am yet to start……but I will! I’m going with toiletries first, seems the least painful! I will update!
Great post Finn. I love the Marie method as well! Since moving from our rented house to our own, mortgaged home we’ve significantly downsized. We only keep a handful of clothes, and seasonally switch them out when needed. I used to horde everything, and I stil hold onto cards etc which are great memories, but they are no longer cluttering living space and instead stay in the attic to come down when I want them to take up room. Like you I was fleeting from home to home before I got my act together. I was with Ryans parents, then… Read more »
It’s good to hear about your positive experience with Marie. I’m reading through the book right now. I have a couple of big deadlines so I think I might have to wait a week or 2 to start this, I like her idea on doing it all in one space of time, 6 months she suggests, so if I start in October, by next spring I should be clutter-free!
congrats on the realisation!! it’s so hard to let go of things and organise them (as you know I’ve been doing the same, over and over…) but when you manage to do a chunk you’ll feel so accomplished and lighter!!! I send you all my love for the moments of struggle you’ll have, it’s not easy but you’ve got a good plan set up!
Thank you! Yes,its going to be a tasting period l think,but lm also looking forward to it!