This is my first Valentines day for some years that I haven’t been single. To be honest, I think I am still in shock that I am in a relationship! It’s not that I didn’t want to find someone, because I did. However, I was very nervous about dating, mainly because of my trans history. I also wasnt sure I believed that you could find love through online dating.
Life and Dating On Hold
A year ago at about this time, l made a New Year intention to end my dating hiatus. After relocating to Sussex to support my poorly Mum, I had put my life on hold. I hadn’t dated for a while because I didn’t have the time or the inclination to do so. Supporting mum and coping with her dementia diagnosis, left little room for anything else.
I was also struggling to have a social life as my health was in poor shape. Complications after a recent surgery had left me physically unwell, and my mental health was challenging too. Additionally, I had crippling exhaustion and could barely stay awake. A lot of these symptoms turned out to be due to having an underactive thyroid. However, I didn’t find that out until much later. It was no surprise therefore, that life had come to a bit of a standstill.
I needed to pick my life back up
l knew that a vital part of my recovery would be to restart my own life, regardless of the challenges I was facing. Having not long moved back to Sussex from Devon to look after Mum, I needed to reconnect with my local town and make new friends.
The previous summer, I had challenged a lot of my fears around dating and begun to explore my sexuality. As a trans man, dating can be very complicated. Additionally, I still wasn’t entirely sure if I was straight, gay or bi and I needed to find out. The only way to discover my sexual orientation was to date, however, I wasn’t sure I was in the best shape to start dating and I wasnt sure where I was going to find people to date.
Is It Possible To Find Love Though Online Dating?
I had briefly used various dating apps without much success. Most people I had dated so far, had been people I met in daily life or friends of friends. I didn’t really think it was possible to find love online, at least n
Initially, I thought I could perhaps make a goal to get back into shape and then begin dating. After all, what on earth could I put on my online dating bio that would attract people to me in my then-current state
However, my health problems were not getting any better, and I realised it was a waste of time to sit around and wait to be well. My life had been on hold for long enough. l knew that I just had to get out there, back on the dating horse so to speak. I took a deep breath, reactivated my dating apps and wrote my online dating profile.
Love Truly Does Arrive When You Least Expect It!
I wasn’t looking for or expecting to find love, in fact, l wasn’t expecting anything. My only intention was to get my life out of the stagnant rut. For this reason, when I started chatting with a chap online, I was very forward in asking to meet up, as I was determined to date!
The last thing l thought was that my first date would turn into the love of my life. However, that is exactly what happened. I think I knew from the first moment l bounced up to Chris outside Brighton station that this was no ordinary coffee date. We’ve now been together for 9 glorious months!
Chris’ love for me is profoundly evident, as is his acceptance of my being transgender. I would say that its less of an acceptance of my being trans, but more in recognising me as the man I am, which is a wonderful feeling.
An Alternative Finding Love Online Dating Profile
I’ve just rewatched this video which I made last February, as an alternative dating profile. I made this video to make myself accountable and to help me to stick to my dating intentions. It’s funny watching it again now as I state midway through it that I do not want a huge whirlwind romance. I comment that I…” Just want to curl up next to someone with a film and a bag of popcorn..” this is ironic because that is exactly how we spent this valentines day!
Don’t Wait. Just Date!
The moral of this story is never to wait because there is no perfect time. The ideal time is always right here and right now. The right person will love you completely and utterly exactly as you are, no matter what you have going on in your life.
There is nothing wrong with online dating and it doesn’t have to be the practice arena I thought it would be. It is very possible to find love through dating online. Just take a risk and get yourself out there!
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